signI apologize if these words are a jumbled up mess.

It’s because my heart and mind are just as jumbled trying to figure out what I want to say. How to speak the truth? How to say what my heart tells me I must say in LOVE as I am trying so hard to do this year?

I intended to go to bed….which I did.

I intended to sleep. Which I didn’t.

I made the mistake of clicking on an article on Facebook while I was waiting for my late dinner to settle.

Instead of settling, my gut is churning and my mind is overwhelmed with words and phrases and images that might express all that I am feeling right now.

Which probably sounds like a lot of the posts you’ve read on social media lately.

The fear. The angst. The waiting for the sky to fall because Donald Trump was sworn in as the 45th President of these great Un United States.Donald Trump Is Sworn In As 45th President Of The United States

But it’s not really that.

I watched the peaceful passing of power from one President to the next which is the envy of many countries in the world. Meanwhile “protestors” (read: vandals) broke out windows and started fires. riot trump

Not so peaceful in comparison to the “grown ups” at the Inauguration.

In the words of one young boy who I’d estimate at 10 years old, it was all to say, “Screw the President!”

Nice.

Why did he start the fire, the reporter asked? Because he wanted to.

Kids will be kids and all of that, but where is he getting the idea that he is free to vandalize and break the law, “because he wants to” or because he is sending a message that he doesn’t agree with something?

<insert sarcasm here> Gee. I wonder.

But here is the real turmoil in my heart.

Today was a Women’s Rights protest march. It was widely attended in Washington, DC as well as cities across the nation. Many friends of mine attended, marching in solidarity for “all women.”women's march

By all accounts that I read, it was energizing and joyful and wonderful. It was for “all women” to protest the President among other things. To make their voices heard. If you look at the pictures, women marched and held signs for all sorts of things–Love not hate. Black lives matter. Girl Power.

All women and all opinions mattered.

Unless you are a woman who is Pro-Life.

Then there was no place for you in that energizing, joyful, wonderful throng.

And I find that incredibly sad.

Please understand. I was in high school when Roe V Wade was passed. I did a report on it for my Social Studies class. I bought the rhetoric about every child a wanted child. No more back alley abortions. No more women butchered in botched abortions. It was a glorious day to have the right to choose!

Unfortunately, none of it was true.

Except for the “right” for a woman to choose to throw away one of God’s greatest gifts. The gift of life.

God alone is the author and creator of life. He spoke our world into being. He sent His Son for one reason–to bring LIFE.

And as women, we have been given the gift of bringing life into this world. But this great gift comes with great responsibility. The Bible says, to whom much has been given, much is required. (Luke 12:48)

Those words ring true when it comes to being given a child and loving and nurturing that child.

I have a confession to make. Growing up, I was incredibly selfish. I guess, probably most of us are.

But when I gave birth to my daughter, to be a good mother and care for her, I had to leave selfishness behind.

If we were both hungry–I fed her first. She was helpless and depended on me for food, for warmth, for comfort, for safety, for love.baby hand

It was both glorious and terrifying.

But along with the physicality of giving birth, God also implanted the nurturing I needed–the motherly instinct–to care for her and put her needs first.

It changed me as a person.

Motherhood is so much more than just having a uterus and ovaries.

God could have sent His Son to earth via a lightning bolt. Or in a sci-fi “pod” of some sort. He could have just “appeared” as He did after His resurrection.

But instead, God chose a human, inadequate, un-ready young woman to bring forth His Son as a high and holy calling.baby-in-womb

And as women, we are all chosen by God with the ability to bring forth life.

So when did that become a bad thing? When did believing that become unacceptable as a choice?

Believe me, I’ve heard the arguments. I’ve made them myself. Too young. Not ready. Interferes with future plans. My body. My choice.

But life comes with inconvenient responsibilities and realities. And we are called to rise to the occasion. It is a part of growing up. Maturing. Looking beyond ourselves.

The reality is, if you are old enough to have sex, there is the possibility of conception–even with birth control.

It’s where the choice lies. You choose to take the chance. And if you do, you choose to take responsibility.

If you drive too fast, you risk getting caught. You pay the fine. Your insurance goes up.

You drink and drive. Your license is taken away.

Life is filled with the consequences of our choices and for most of us, it is how we learn.

I think of all the things I wasn’t ready for–my first job. Going to college. Getting married.

Having a baby.

Even though I waited until I was in my 30’s to have a child, you are never ready for the all encompassing life change that it brings.

But I can tell you without a doubt, I am a better person because I became a mother.

I learned what true love is when I first held that precious new life in my arms.

I became stronger as a person and as a woman because I would have defended that baby with my life and done whatever I had to do to keep her safe.

It didn’t matter if I didn’t feel like going to work. I had to do what I had to do to care for her.

There was a time I thought I didn’t want children. I was scared of the responsibility. Then after I changed my mind, there were years of infertility and heart break trying to have a child.

My doctor called it a fluke I got pregnant. I know it was a miracle.

That she is a miracle.imago-dei

And out of all my accomplishments on this earth, being a mother will always be the best, most important thing I have done.

Does that sound out dated? Old fashioned?

Maybe so. But she is grateful for her life. And the many people who love her are grateful she is here.

Like all of us, she is one of a kind.

Tonight, I saw a young mother who I hadn’t seen since shortly after the birth of her little boy. I don’t get many opportunities to snuggle babies, so she put him into my arms.

“Isn’t it just the best?” I asked.

Her face lit up looking own at her beautiful baby boy who’d settled into my arms.

“Oh, my, yes! It is! I had no idea I had that much room in my heart for love until now.”

It’s true. There is just something other- worldly and holy about the bond of mother with child.

I’m all for equal pay for equal work. I’ve dealt with sexual harassment in the work place. I’ve been propositioned by a loan officer when applying for a loan. I’m against rape culture. I’ve been in an abusive marriage. I get that there are issues in our society that must be addressed concerning how women are treated.

What I don’t get is what is seen as the answer.

Madonna who popularized wearing your underwear on the outside of your clothes, as a role model? Women like Madonna who use their bodies and talents to get rich screaming obscenities about men who objectify women? Can you not see the disconnect?

Holding a sign saying the government needs to stay out of my uterus but wanting the government to subsidize the abortion industry through Planned Parenthood and demanding free birth control….from the government who you don’t want telling you what to do?

I read where one of the organizers of the DC March was a Muslim woman who supports Sharia law–Sharia where women have no rights and must stay covered for fear of inciting the lust of men. Sharia where honor killings happen even in the case of rape. Sharia where mere girls are married to older men. Lesbian women marched today for equality. Lesbian women who would be stoned under Sharia law. Can you not see how crazy that is?

I’m not sure the women who marched today truly appreciated that they live in a place where women could buy a ticket and get on a plane or drive their own cars to take part and march freely in the streets to support each other and what they see as their cause–even if I disagree.

And abortion is the law of the land–even though it grieves me. So if they want to march about that, they can do that too.

But please just be honest.

You didn’t march for ALL women. You didn’t want those of us who believe differently than you.

You didn’t want those who support the gift of LIFE.

Because you don’t. Many marched to reject the greatest gift. And tonight, that is breaking my heart.

 

They estimate that almost 60 million children have been lost because of abortion since Roe V Wade was passed in 1973. I am grateful that the abortion rate is actually falling as more and more young women become pro-life. I was pro-choice until I was in my 30’s. I had all the arguments down pat. My mantra was that I was personally opposed to abortion, but believed it should be legal for the reasons I listed in my blog post–every child a wanted child, children not being born to drug addicted women, not telling women what to do, their right to their own body, safer than back alley abortions, etc. In 1991, after an impassioned discussion with someone staunchly pro-life, I felt quite superior in how I’d held my own with logical arguments instead of “all that emotion.” Until I went to bed that night. All I can say is that I went to bed pro-choice and woke up pro-life. Sometime in the night, God spoke truth to me saying, “It is wrong and nothing makes it right.” It wasn’t a dream. It was a dramatic heart change for my life to reflect the heart of God (“I set before you today life and death. Choose life.”). In my blog post, I don’t cite references concerning the abortion industry, but the information is readily available. As a medical provider, I have cared for women after their bodies were damaged by legalized abortion. Every year, women die at the hands of legal abortionists. Unfortunately, abortion clinics–due to politics–are not held to the same standards of care and sterility as other medical clinics. Please know, I don’t have all the answers to the difficult questions and scenarios that confront us, but I am compelled to be a truth-teller. God is the author of life and abortion is legalized death. It is sentencing an innocent child to death for no crime of their own. And further, I know this–God works all things together for good. What can seem like the worst thing ever, can be the greatest blessing if we allow Him to work restoration and healing in our lives. Please know, I don’t say that lightly. I have walked it out in my own life. If you are curious or struggling with that idea, please contact me and I’d be glad to discuss it with you privately.  I shudder to think of the 60 million lost and what gifts our world has missed because of our “choice.”  May God forgive us!